How To Train Your Dog Without Touching It!

10 Dogs Training Just Couldn’t Fix

May 17th, 2011

Posted By:
Dog Trainer

Are you walking the dog, or is the dog walking you?

Everybody knows the basic dog training commands we all get our dogs to perform: Sit, Fetch, Play Dead, High Five. And most dogs love to do this, for their owner’s love, and to show they understand who’s boss. But it’s true that some dogs are incapable of being trained: either through laziness, disobedience, or the fact they’re just a bit nuts. The question is: are you walking the dog, or is the dog walking you?

1. Obsessed with cleaning

Dogs and cats like to keep themselves clean in the form of licking themselves. Again, some dogs can become obsessed with the practice and it can be difficult to train them to do anything else. It is again speculative as to the reason why dogs do this, and some people fear that their dogs are masturbating when they clean their genital regions.

2. Obsessed with humping

Before a male dog gets neutered (or he ‘gets his pockets picked’), it can be quite obsessed with sex. However, some dogs will continue this behavior to an excessive degree even after it is neutered. Take a look at the dog humping a pig: the object of desire can be anything from a tree to your own leg. This behavior is quite antisocial and can be incredibly frustrating – not to say embarrassing! - for the owner.

3. Obsessed with tail

Most dogs will chase their own tail from time to time, although in some dogs it can border on obsession, where the dog does this continuously even on walks. There are a few reasons why dogs (and indeed, cats) do this: boredom, where the sight of their tail in their peripheral vision intrigues them and lets them engage themselves mentally and physically, or for attention. Dogs will understand that chasing their tail gets a reaction from their owner and others around them in the form of laughter, and whenever they desire more attention they will do it again. Also, they might simply have a flea problem in that area.

4. Obsessed with chewing

We’ve all been there: you’re looking for your car keys but they’re nowhere to be found. The reason: your dog is chewing on them, and they’re covered in slobber. This can occasionally be cute, but most of the time is very annoying. Letting these chewers get into your closet can be catastrophic: they’ve ripped some holes in your suit, or your brand new pair of shoes. Normally this destructive behavior can be corrected, but sometimes it appears as if the dog just can’t stop themselves, like its an addiction.

5. Repeat offenders

No matter how much dog training you try, certain dogs just won’t learn to get out of their bad habits. You’ll have tried every trick in the book to discourage such behavior, but the dog just doesn’t get it. Us humans all have bad habits we can’t escape from, and the dog can’t be blamed for its inability to stop certain types of behavior – such as peeing on your bed. The only way forward in this situation would be to keep your bedroom door closed – or even locked – at all times.

6. Confused by images

You’re taking your dog on a nice, civilized walk, when your dog spots an image. Maybe it’s a picture of food, or maybe of a cat. These images usually freak animals out, and the lower the dogs IQ, the more frustrating it can be. Similarly, animals often get confused with mirrors, often wishing to fight their own image (“What are you looking?!”). And it can sometimes can substantial effort to drag the dog away from the image, at which point the illusion that you are fully in control of your animal is shattered.

7. No co-ordination

In the same way that not all of us are destined to be athletes, dogs too have a range of natural abilities that can’t be helped. Some dogs just don’t have the same co-ordination as others do, and this could also be dependent on the breed. A dog unable to catch a ball in its mouth, or one that often drops the sticks it picks up, isn’t stupid, but just haven’t a talent for that activity. Find something else it’s good at.

8. Just doesn’t get it

Whereas some dogs might not have the ability, some may simply miss the point. This is obviously dependent on their innate IQ. You can teach them to do something as many times as you like, but they constantly miss the point and believe you mean to show them something a bit different. Again, this isn’t their fault, and maybe if you try another activity, you can hope that at some point it’ll click.

9. Really stupid

Although levels of stupidity have been implied so far, some dogs take it a new level. Check out a video of the dog above. Not only does it not understand that the character sitting down is a bronze statue, but it repeatedly takes a stick to it in the hope that the statue will through it for him – again and again and again. In these cases, love your dog for who it is and accept it can’t be trained!

10. Lacking basic common sense

Being a bit stupid doesn’t mean the dog has to lack basic common sense. For instance, they should understand that rubbing their face in the snow might mean they can’t see anymore. It’s also common sense that shaking their head should rectify the situation. Again, if they don’t get stuff like this, there’s certainly no way you’re going to be able to enter it into a dog show any time soon.

Posted in Dog Training | 36 comments

36 responses to “10 Dogs Training Just Couldn’t Fix”

Jana Rade writes:

How about running INTO objects instead of around them? LOL

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Furrykids Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 10:49 am
We had a toy poodle who was forbidden from playing with a great dane in our apartment complex for just that reason. She thought it was very funny to entice the dane to chase her. Once she knew he was only paying attention to her, she would run straight at a pine tree dodging to the side at the last minute. The dane ran into the tree everytime. She obviously thought it was very funny as did we, but the dane’s owner did not. He forbade them from playing together after multiple incidents.

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Teresa Reply:
June 3rd, 2011 at 6:00 am
OMG!! That is hillarious!

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@ May 31st, 2011 at 21:37
t busch writes:

I thought you knew something about dogs, but your picture and comments about the dog humping the pig shows that you dont have a clue. That is clearly a picture of a dog saying I am the boss. That is a dominant poature.

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Chet Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 6:59 am
get a sense of humor t busch.

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Jason Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 7:32 am
Agreed Chet!

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lisa Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 7:23 am
Learn how to spell! What is poature!

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wendi Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 9:25 pm
come on, everyone knows it is just a dog showing dominance, whether male or female but it is STILL FUNNY!

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Mergie Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 9:40 pm
Learn how to punctuate! “What is poature??”

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Robby Reply:
June 5th, 2011 at 7:03 pm
He probably is trying to dominate OR it could be a sow in heat, to some dogs horemones is hormones. Either way it`s still funny and you really do need to get a sense of humor. P.S. Also use spell check.

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 04:02
Daniel Hudson writes:

SO FUNNY! I foster dogs/puppies for the local Humane Society (of Wilkes), along with having 4 of my own. But I never seem to have my camera at just the right time. Just the other day when I was coming out of our local Vet’s office after having one of my foster’s spayed, there was a convertible with it’s top down in the parking lot. Inside the shiny red car was three large dogs; one in the drivers seat; one in the passenger seat; and one in the back seat behind the driver. All three of them were sitting up and facing forward, and looked like they could just be cruising down the road! I laughed most of the way home!

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 04:47
Karen Tansey writes:

All the above!!!

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 05:01
Narda van Zyl writes:

They tryyyyy
No 3 – queer dog! Roger Bacon???

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 06:55
Racing Red Granny writes:

I have a three yr. old rat terrior who watches tv all the time. When any kind of animal appears, he barks at it. He could be at the other end of the house and recognizes the start of a commercial. He then stops whatever he was doing and races into the room to bark at the animal on the commercial. In the family room the tv is on a stand within his reach. He will jump right up to the tv to bark at the animal; then go to the back of the tv when the animal disappears. In the livingroom, the tv is mounted in the wall above the fireplace. He still jumps up and down barking at any kind of animal that appears on the screen.

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J Toth Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 2:56 pm
My Aussie does all of the above. She watches TV, barks at the dogs, horses and cats on the screen and runs to the room behind the TV to catch the critters. Otherwise, she is very smart.

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c fleming Reply:
June 2nd, 2011 at 10:35 am
My dog does that same thing. He knows ever commercial that has to do with an animal. He could be sound asleep and he wakes up growls and runs to the TV

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 07:14
nena writes:

Would you be amazed I have a dog who has almost all these behaviours and then some more?
His mom was a streetdog who died during or after giving birth. So we don’t know how long he was without any decent food. He could not have been much older than a day when they brought them to us. His brother grew up a very smart macho, but he is sweet and dumb 10 times over!!!!, but again as sweet as can be.

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 13:01
Sylvi writes:

Love to look at animals doing silly things, so this article gave me a smile this morning!Especialy the dog who just wants to play catch with a stick!!! We have a border collie which we adopted from the RSPCA in January this year. She is about 18mths old and it has been fun watching all her quirky habits – we don’t know her background as she was a stray found during the Queensland floods – She is very vocal dog in her bark but also in play and when anyone in the family is returning home, she ‘sings’ usually with some toy or other in her mouth. She also loves to roll about on her back chasing ‘nothing’ in her upside down position. We have decided she is not ‘dumb’ but ‘special’…..she is being trained by myself and the rest of the family, but maybe more slowly than other dogs we have had (she seemed to have had some training before we got her, so now she is having to learn how we want things done etc….as well as being a little fearful in some situations – so slowly does it with her!!). She is clever, but obviously, like a lot of dogs and children, has selective hearing now and again too!!!

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@ June 1st, 2011 at 14:44
reddog writes:

my chocolate red nose pit goas cracy when she hasent seen me for a while ,and she whont stop jumping and running at me till she can lick my face completely clean . is this a normal dog behavior?

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joe Reply:
June 20th, 2011 at 11:38 am
for a pit bull 4sho

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 01:29
danielle writes:

i think some of these are funny

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 03:20
Vedette writes:

Even though they sometimes act like that, you still have to love them. Their still your pets you know. And I must admit that my dog has very poor coordination when it comes to playing fetch.

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 06:10
skittles writes:

these photos are funny… makes me feel a little bad for some of them tho..

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 21:12
cl writes:

My dearly departed wheaton mix used to jump up and bark and run to the door for the Domino’s pizza commercial. You know the one ” Get the door its Domino’s”, and the door bell would ring. It was pretty funny at first. He never did understand that we were not going to get up and answer the door. He’d just bark and run to the door and then look back at us like. “Well, arn’t you going to answer it?”

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 21:12
CGROSE writes:

I have 3 dogs…all different personalities and abilities. Actually just like a human child, and if you have children, you will see this. They are kids, and act like it when they are young…just as a child would…and feel similar things as well. Fear, shock, love, confusion, chaos, etc….it is funny to me, they just are in a furry blanket, with 4 legs….but they need and exspect the same tolerance as our kids….I just enjoy each ones personality, and the way each tends to do goofy stuff, and knows he or she will be loved and accepted for no matter what they do. They are all our animals, and deserve love, and understanding as well. BUT MAN WHAT GOOFY ANTICS 3 DOGS CAN DREAM UP!

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GSDLOVER Reply:
June 4th, 2011 at 9:36 pm
My German Shepherd has a ritual whenever he gets a treat or bone he drops it circles it 3 times then goes behind my overstuffed chair,then he walks into the dinning room walks around the table. Then he will do this three times anybody think he’s a little OCD!!!

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 21:16
Rhonda writes:

I had a Beagle/Lab that would walk right into cars coming towards him,(lucky for him they were moving very slow) He only did it when he was on a leash.

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@ June 2nd, 2011 at 21:36
Evelyn writes:

I have worked as a vet tech for over 45 years and seen a lot of strange dog behavior throught the years- I also raised Dobermans and a number of hound breeds and have rescued, spayed/neutered and rehomed thousands of dogs through the years. At present I have 9 dogs-2 gifts from friends-purebred brussels griffons, 2 Schnauzers (strays)2 Blue Heelers and a Doberman (all purebred) from local animal control, 1 catahoula dumped here as a pup and a sort of Cockerpoo? from the pound and all of my animals have some strange behavior- one heeler climbs trees trying to catch squirrels,the Schnauzers bow up and sound like they are killing each other in a fight but never leave a mark on each other and the other dogs walk around them and ignore the non-fight so its obviously not real,the Doberman loves everyone and wants to walk them by taking their hand in his mouth,the catahoula “talks”,one heeler eats my steps with her front teeth biting directly down on the boards,the cockerpoo perfers to live in her crate 24/7 except for potty trips outdoors(the heelers think she is a sheep and try to herd her) and the brussels like all brussels I have ever had have a thing about attacking all mops,brooms,vaccums etc of that nature!One Brussels we had went absolutely beserk if you walked by her naked- people should not take their fur off she seemed to be saying.

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@ June 3rd, 2011 at 06:54
katkite writes:

my dogs are very smart and perfect they don’t do anything mentioned above

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@ June 5th, 2011 at 05:12
tammy writes:

i am so glad to see there are people just like my family. yes dogs are our kids. and yes they each have their own destinctive personalities. we have had some that deserve to be on t.v. only we never have a camers around. been married 31 yrs. and have never ever gone a day without a dog or two in our home.they brighten up every day. just like my kids did and still do.

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Chris Grose Reply:
June 8th, 2011 at 12:38 am
thanks Tammy…..I agree whole heartedly. they are my children, and I have always had several, as well as cats too. If they do not brighten up your life, and day…..then you have a dead spot in your head and heart! Thanks for your comment! chris grose

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Vicky Reply:
August 8th, 2011 at 12:00 pm
I agree with both of you! I always refer to mine as my 4-legged kids with fur coats and funny accents.

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@ June 6th, 2011 at 00:16
Anne Miller writes:

I am sitting here at my computer laughing uncontrollably with my two dogs staring at me like I’ve lost what little mind I have left. They are both rescues. The oldest about 20 mos was rescued from an abandoned home nearby. The second, a basenji hound I drove to Ohio to get the day before she was to be put down, is now 15 mos. They were replacements for the old dog that we had for 13 yrs. I couldn’t stand not having another living being in my home.(Before my grandson moved back in) They adore each other and play fight all the time, have never left a mark. Jodi, the basenji is a bully, if someone nagged at me the way she does at Jas, a husky mix there would be serious repercussions. She doesn’t really bark, she yodels. It can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up.

If Jas has a toy she has to steal it, so he tricks her by grabbing another toy. They can go on for hours like this. I put out two bowls of food but they take turns eating out of each bowl. They sleep in the same crate at night. Wish this wasn’t necessary but if Jodi wakes up she climbs on the bed and sits on my chest. If I try to push her off she pushes back hard. So to keep myself breathing they sleep in their crate.

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@ June 7th, 2011 at 16:14
Ally Wilson writes:

They are so funny i can not stop looking at them. My mom says she likes the one on the pig. i like the one where the dog put his head threw his legs. these are sooooooo cute too.I wish have a big dog but all i have is a little dog named Lou.

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@ June 8th, 2011 at 04:49
max writes:

All these dogs are dumb

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@ June 11th, 2011 at 14:03
Camilla writes:

I like the one where it is humphing the pig! LOL!

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@ June 28th, 2011 at 17:11